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I only have one follower - thanks Josh.

Maybe because I haven’t posted in over a year, which sucks because I’m ultra-important.

I had a crazy ass dream last night - nothing short of a 7-hour long snooze fest to the naked eye, I’m sure.

It was one of those dreams that were so vivid, so colorful, so emotional that I believed it to be real until I woke up and realized that, oh, not only was it a dream, but I had to pee.

—

I am walking down the street to the subway, 3 blocks to go. It’s humid, and the condensation in the air is pulling the moisture out of me, settling on my brow, my upper lip, my forearms, in between my fingers, and all the other usual spots. I think to myself what a disgusting mess I am, even though I am less than half an hour out of the shower. I have my large golf umbrella - the forecast has said thunder for the past four days and so I’ve been lugging it around. This pisses me off because I haven’t even had to use it yet and the thing is a fucking monster.

I trudge along on this grey and humid morning, Ray-Bans poised neatly on my nose, even though the sun and blue, blue sky are barely poking through the white masses way up there. Two more blocks.

Today feels different, and despite my sweating, I am elated for no particular reason. The old man walking his dog at the end of the block says his usual hihowareyousugar, I reply back with my i’mgoodsirhowareyou and give him a white-toothed smile and this seems to make his day.

I pass children on their way to the nearby elementary school, holding their mothers’ hands tightly, backpacks swinging, excited for the prospect of a new day.

I reach the subway and submerge, my good mood has passed. I wait for the crowded, cold, bright, unforgiving train to approach the platform. I board with everyone else; they are chatting away to each other, singing along to headphones, loving each other for the world to see. I read a book about loving and losing and the trip passes quickly.

I am at work. I sit in my too-bright cubicle and crunch numbers and listen to adult alternative music because that’s what’s on the TV. My boss scolds me for being forgetful; I refrain from telling her I have the best memory of anyone I know. I eat lunch with a coworker and try to avoid eating too many carbs, but I’m not very good at it because that kaiser roll completes the sandwich and I need it and I feel like a failure.

I am bored.

I leave work and force myself into another crowded train. I feel like I stand out. An old man rubs against me a little too flirtatiously but I let it slide because I must be crazy and why would he do that? and I exit and walk the three blocks home, briskly, using my rainbow colored umbrella as a walking stick because it’s still huge.

I am in my apartment, feeding my cats treats. They jump for them like good boys and then want nothing to do with me until 3 hours later when it’s time for me to put some grub in their stomachs.

I read about loving and losing some more, and it makes me tired and sad. I go to sleep in my big bed with the air conditioner on so high that I shiver.

And there are so many people in this nightmare, but at the end I am alone.